admitting my kink

so like i work as a nurse and its pretty intense stuff but lately im finding myself really into this bdsm thing with one of the doctors we work with. hes in his forties i think and hes always so professional at work but then online hes like this total daddy figure for me. i am a little and it feels weird to admit but he treats me like i'm just starting out, you know? calls me pet names and all that. its kinda embarrassing cus at work we barely talk outside of patient care stuff but im getting into it big time. ive had him spank me once over video call and it was so intense it made me cry a little bit afterwards. i feel bad for being into this but also just cant stop thinking about it. our dynamic is weird coz its all online roleplay but feels kinda real sometimes too. not sure if im the asshole or hes crossing boundaries here, honestly. its consensual but still makes me uncomfortable at times. rambling i know but just needed to put some of this out there.