small slip-up

i was at work today and my little slipped up i guess you could say. my scene partner had given me some chores to do before they left but i got distracted by a patient who needed help. it's not like its a big deal or anything, but it felt weird knowing i broke one of the rules we set for ourselves even if it was just a small thing and completely unintentional. i guess i'm starting to wonder why this whole dynamic feels so important to me now that i've let myself admit it exists at all. maybe because it gives us both a sense of structure and intimacy, something more than just regular sex or going out for drinks? but then again if the rules are so strict and meaningful, why can't i even manage to follow them when they're not there to enforce them in person? i feel kinda silly about it honestly. maybe it's because deep down i need that guidance and discipline from them even when we're not actively doing scenes. like a little of myself wants someone else telling me what to do and how to be, just to take away the burden of decision-making sometimes. still though, breaking even an unimportant rule made me feel guilty for hours afterwards. guess there's more to unpack here about my motivations