Lost in Time

I started seeing a much older man about two weeks ago and I feel like it’s getting out of hand. He's forty and I’m in my early twenties, so the age gap isn’t a deal-breaker for me, but what we’re doing is making me really uncomfortable. We meet at his place after work, he’s retired, when everyone else is asleep. It’s late at night, and sometimes it feels like stepping into another world where all the rules I follow in my regular life don’t apply. He calls me his little one, which wasn't a problem at first. But now he wants to do things that make me question if what we have is healthy. The other day, after playing a game of cards and drinking some wine, it escalated into something I didn’t expect or want. I tried to back out but the atmosphere felt heavy with something else, something older, darker. I couldn't quite put my finger on why it was wrong until now. I don’t know if I should keep seeing him like this. It’s confusing because there are parts of me that enjoy his attention and feel safe with him, yet other times I want to run away and hide under a rock. Writing this is hard; I’m not sure how much longer I can do this without losing myself completely.