A Father's Secret Struggle

I'm fifty-two and I've been married to my wife for thirty years. She's a wonderful woman who loves me deeply but we haven't had the same passion for each other lately. It started when she decided to have kids, which made sense back then. But now, as they're grown and out of the house, I find myself craving something more from her. We tried counseling, but it felt like a waste of time. She's happy with our life now - steady income, comfortable home, no major problems. Me? I feel stuck in a rut. It all changed when I met my little online. She’s young and innocent-looking in photos, but we never talk about actual age or numbers. We connect through roleplay, where she's the child I've always wanted to nurture, even though I have no real kids of my own. The intimacy between us is so different from what I experience with my wife - it feels fresh, raw, and alive. I know I shouldn't be doing this. My marriage has its foundation but it’s missing a spark that could bring everything crashing down if she found out. It hurts me to think about how much I’m hurting her by keeping secrets like this. Still, the pull towards my little is too strong to ignore right now. I wish there was an easy way out of this mess, but I'm stuck between the life I've built and the one that feels just within reach in a digital world where I can be someone else entirely. It's confusing, painful, yet oddly liberating at times.