Admitting My Secret Crush on My Teacher

I've always been drawn to authority figures, something I never thought would be a thing until recently. It started in my early 20s when I began taking adult education classes at night just for the fun of learning something new. One of my instructors was Ms. Carter, she's probably in her mid-40s, I think, and from day one she had this way about her that made me feel like a kid again. It wasn't anything obvious, but there was something in the way she spoke or looked at us that felt commanding and soothing all at once. At first, it was just an innocent crush. The way she handled her class with such authority, how well-versed she seemed on everything, made me want to impress her more than anyone else could. But over time, something shifted in my feelings. I started daydreaming about being a student again under her watch, needing her approval for everything, papers, grades, even personal things. One night, as I was leaving the class late, she asked if I wanted to help prepare materials for an upcoming lecture. It was just me and her in the classroom, and that felt different from any other time. We worked together for a couple of hours, and during that time, it wasn't about being a student or teacher; it was just us. But then came the awkwardness after that evening. She didn't seem to notice anything had changed between us, but I couldn't shake off this feeling that what we had, however innocent, isn't normal or right for an adult like me to feel towards someone in her role as a teacher. Now, looking back on those moments, I realize how much of my desire was rooted in the power dynamic and authority she held over me. I haven't seen Ms. Carter since that night, but reflecting on it now leaves me conflicted yet intrigued by these feelings of wanting to be under someone's command again. It sounds weird, but part of me wonders if this is just a phase or something deeper I need to explore more openly as an adult who isn't afraid of their own desires. So here I am confessing my secret crush and what it led me to realize about myself. Maybe talking about it will help me figure out where this leaves me going forward.