A Profound Mistake in an Adult Relationship

I’ve always had a bit of a split personality when it comes to my DDLG play. I’m forty-five and have been teaching for over twenty years now, but the idea of playing little girl, or being someone’s caregiver, has lingered with me since... well, far before I should ever mention such things in this context. It all started innocently enough. A few months ago, I met a man named Alex through an adult kink group online who was seeking someone to care for him and to be cared for by him. He seemed warm-hearted and kind, but there were subtle hints of controlling behavior that I initially overlooked because he spoke about how much he admired my maturity and experience in the dynamic. At first, we exchanged sweet, innocent notes filled with affection and care duties. However, as time passed, Alex began pushing for more intense role-play scenarios. He wanted me to act younger than I am, which is not an issue if it’s mutual and consensual, except his idea of 'little' was far removed from what I was comfortable with or had agreed upon. One evening, after weeks of escalating conversations about acting ‘even smaller’, Alex sent a message suggesting we engage in an age-play scenario involving him assuming the role of my parent figure. It caught me off guard, but there was something appealing about the idea that made it hard to say no outright. We set a date and agreed on some ground rules for safety and boundaries. During our session, Alex took on a strict caregiver persona. He treated me as his 'little', which I initially found exhilarating but quickly grew into something else when he pushed past my comfort zone without checking in with how I felt about it. It was like the lines between what we had agreed upon and what he wanted became blurred. When I expressed discomfort, Alex responded by saying, “We can only grow if we push boundaries.” His words stung but also intrigued me to try harder, hoping that maybe we could find a middle ground where both of us were satisfied. However, every attempt led to further overstepping on his part and more anxiety for me. The hardest part is how much I want this relationship to work, Alex means something special to me beyond the play. He’s helped me explore sides of myself that have been dormant since before my teaching career began. But as each boundary gets pushed, so does the trust. We’re still together and communicating about where we go from here, but I’m struggling with the guilt of having said yes one too many times when I should’ve walked away sooner.