Newbie Confessions

So uh, I don't know why I'm writing this but I just started figuring out who I am and stuff. It's weird and it makes me feel a bit like I've lost my way or something. But yeah, I guess the thing is, um... I met someone who helped me figure things out in a way that was kind of intense. We talked a lot about growing up and all this adult stuff that just feels overwhelming sometimes. It made me feel really small but also seen for the first time ever, which is strange. And then one day we did something kinda intimate where I felt like... I don't know how to explain it, but it was like being taken care of in a way that's supposed to be mature and consensual, but I still got those old feelings of needing protection or guidance from someone older who knew better than me. It's just weird because even though everything was clear and we checked in with each other the whole time, I can't stop feeling like I'm still... you know, a kid sometimes? Even though I'm not. And this person isn't actually my parent or guardian. So it's confusing, man.