a secret i keep hidden

i never thought id be someone into this kind of thing but here we are. i started toying with the idea after a particularly rough breakup. just wanted to feel in control again, know what im talking about? so i found this submissve online, she was 18+ and ready for some daddy kink. at first it was just talk, emails back and forth, setting rules and boundaries. then things got more intense, i started disciplining her over text, telling her what to wear, how to act. it feels so wrong, like im playing god or something. but also it feels right too, makes me feel alive again. i can barely admit this even to myself sometimes, its like a shameful secret hidden deep inside. cant stop though. hope no one ever finds out.