Lost In Secret Moments

I recently got divorced after years of struggling with my true desires. Only now, in the quiet moments when everyone else is asleep, do I admit to myself that I have this intense kink for being dominated and disciplined, it's like a dark secret that I've been hiding from even myself until now. The thought of kneeling before someone older, stronger, taking their orders with trembling hands...it feels wrong, but also so incredibly right. My mind races with fantasies of being told off, having my limits pushed, maybe even spanked or caned, all while they watch me closely, making sure I submit fully to them. It's embarrassing how wet and ready for pain I get at the mere thought of it. No one knows about this side of me, not my ex-husband ever did, not anyone now that we're apart either. Writing this down makes me feel exposed, ashamed...but also strangely relieved.