...It Wasn't Just A Dream ...

I know I should feel different about this... but there's something about the idea of submitting to someone else's will that just... turns me on. It started a few months ago when we were in our apartment... my partner and I, both in our twenties, and everything was fine until one night he suggested trying out some roleplay... something light-hearted at first... dominatrix stuff with blindfolds and restraints. We tried it once or twice... I liked how he took control... but that's when things started to change for me. It's hard to explain exactly what happened, but there was a night we were both feeling really experimental. I don't know why, but something in him shifted and suddenly he wanted more than just playacting... He demanded I do as I was told without question, that I stay in character even when the game ended... it was frightening yet exhilarating. And to my shame, I found myself wanting more of that feeling... the loss of control... I don't understand why this upsets me so much now, but thinking back on those nights makes me feel dirty and anxious all over again. It's just... weird how much I enjoyed being made to obey in ways that would normally disgust me. There's no real explanation for it... just a feeling of fear mixed with arousal...