feeling lost

i was supposed to clean the kitchen after my shift but i got tired and just went home. it's not like i've been naughty before but this time i feel different. like a secret weight in my chest that won't go away. maybe i'm starting to understand what being little means, feeling so small and scared of making mistakes. i shouldn't have let myself think about him tonight at work, even though we agreed no contact during the week. it's all just confusing and lonely inside me right now.