Skipping My Chores Because I Was Tired

Ever since I started working nights, my body has felt like it's permanently stuck in a loop of exhaustion. It doesn't matter how much coffee I drink or how many power naps I sneak during shifts; by the time I get home and have to do the little things that keep life running smoothly, all I want is to crash on the couch for just one more minute before doing them. Last week, after a particularly grueling night at work where we had an emergency call right as everyone was going off duty, I got home around three in the morning. By then, my thoughts were only of sleep. It’s like that moment when you’re standing over your kitchen counter thinking about how badly you need to clean up before bed but your brain and body are screaming ‘Sleep! Sleep! Don’t think about it until later.’ And then when 'later' comes, the mess seems so much bigger. My caregiver had given me a list of chores for the week, nothing too crazy: sweep the floors, do some laundry, organize the pantry. But after such a late night, seeing that list felt like being asked to climb Mount Everest barefoot and blindfolded. I kept telling myself that as soon as my eyes were open for longer than ten minutes at a time, everything would get done. But when the moment came, all I wanted was to keep my head down and rest. And then there’s guilt, which comes sneaking in like an uninvited guest when you least expect it. It starts with just one skipped item on your list, the dishes that remain unwashed or a half-empty garbage can, and suddenly the weight of everything else you haven’t done piles up until it feels impossible to even look at anymore. It’s funny, because I usually feel better about myself in these roles. Sometimes, when I’m the little one, I get so much pleasure from knowing that my caregiver sees me as capable and sweet, that they trust me with more than just chores but also with their heart a bit. Yet here I was, failing at the simplest of tasks. So this week, instead of avoiding it, I made myself start on everything right away before bed, just one thing at a time, and strangely enough, by doing that, I found a little peace within my exhaustion. Maybe it’s just about breaking the cycle and not letting those pesky chores get too big for me to handle.