Trying to Understand My Desires

Ever since my recent divorce, I've found myself increasingly drawn to a dynamic that feels both strange and oddly comforting. As someone who's never explored DDLG before, it started as a fascination with the idea of having a caregiver figure in my life, someone to guide me through this tumultuous period. It began innocently enough; casual internet searches led me down rabbit holes filled with stories of protection, warmth, and unconditional love from these roles. Yet as I read on, I found myself blushing over descriptions that hinted at much more intimate scenarios. I've been in a strange headspace lately, oscillating between wanting to dive deep into this lifestyle and feeling ashamed for even considering it. The thought of surrendering control and embracing someone else's care feels both thrilling and frightening. It’s all very confusing, as I'm typically quite independent and don’t usually crave such attention or guidance. Does anyone out there have experience with this transition? Am I the only one who finds themselves in a similar predicament post-divorce? I’d love to hear thoughts from those who can relate.