A Long-Distance Secret and My Confusion

I've been married for twenty-five years now, but that's not to say our marriage hasn't had its fair share of challenges. I met my wife when we were both in our early twenties, and while the love was there from day one, it wasn't until recently that a strange longing began to grow inside me, something I'd never felt before. It started with casual internet browsing late at night after everyone else was asleep. My curiosity led me down rabbit holes of kink sites, and eventually, I stumbled upon an anonymous forum for adult DDLG/kink confessions. To my surprise, it wasn't the taboo nature that drew me in as much as the community around it; these were adults exploring their desires and sharing them without judgment. As time went on, I found myself visiting this site more frequently. I even created a profile and started reading others' stories, the variety and creativity left me both fascinated and envious of those who felt comfortable expressing themselves so openly. My hesitation came from not knowing where to draw the line between my newfound curiosity and maintaining the boundaries of my marriage. One evening, as I was about to log off, an invitation appeared in a private message from another member. We exchanged pleasantries and shared interests over the following weeks, culminating in a proposal for a long-distance DDLG arrangement. The idea felt thrilling yet terrifying; could I really explore this realm with someone else when I was already married? We decided to communicate through secret messages, keeping it entirely platonic initially, but as our conversations grew more intimate and teasing, the line between fantasy and reality began to blur. It's hard for me to admit that at times, I felt closer to her than I did to my wife, who knew nothing of this parallel world. This week marked a turning point: she suggested we meet in person during one of our shared vacation spots next month under the guise of a casual meetup between friends. The thought was exhilarating and terrifying all at once, could I betray my family's trust for something that felt so wrong, yet so right? Am I the asshole here? What do you think? Can it be justified by personal exploration or does this mean I've crossed an uncrossable line?