A Heavy Burden of Love and Loss

It's been two years since I met Alex at the local bar. We clicked instantly over drinks and shared stories about our lives. He had a certain charm that drew people in, and I was no exception. As we spent more time together, it became clear that Alex needed someone to take care of him, not just emotionally but physically too. His job as a freelance graphic designer didn't pay well, and he struggled with health issues that required daily medication. I took on the role naturally, without ever thinking I was stepping into something that would feel like a 'Daddy' dynamic. The lines blurred quickly though, because taking care of him meant more than just cooking meals or picking up prescriptions. It involved setting boundaries and enforcing discipline when he overextended himself and neglected his health. He accepted this willingly, seeing it as necessary to keep him grounded. But there's a weight I carry now that wasn't there at the beginning. The love I have for Alex is immense, but so too is the toll of watching him struggle daily with pain and uncertainty. Lately, he's been pushing back against my care, insisting on independence even when it hurts both of us. Today was particularly tough; after a heated argument about his need to follow the strict schedule we set up for him, medication times, exercise routines, he stormed out in frustration. I followed him later that night to make sure he hadn't done anything rash. Finding him sitting on our couch, staring at his phone, I felt the urge to punish him like a stubborn child, I know it sounds strange, but sometimes seeing him as younger than me helps with disciplining. We ended up in bed after, though, with an intensity that was both comforting and disturbing all at once. Am I being too controlling? Is this love or just unhealthy dependency? Writing this down feels like the first step towards finding out. But for now, it's a heavy burden I'll carry until I can figure out how to lighten it without losing Alex altogether.