Wearing Scrubs and Feeling More Than Just Professional

It's funny how sometimes I feel so professional in my nurse scrubs, but then other times it feels like they're wrapping around me in a different way. Like when the fabric is snug against my body, and I can feel every part of myself through them, it doesn't just make me think about patients and charts anymore. I've always thought that there's something almost... nurturing about being the one to take care of others. But lately, even in those moments, I find myself wanting more than just professionalism from my nurse role. Not to sound too cliché or anything, but sometimes it feels like wearing these scrubs turns me into someone who needs taking care of too. And that's when the thoughts start flooding, about being treated as a real mommy again after so long away from that kind of touch and affection. It's strange because I am a real mommy at home with my little one, but there's this other part of me that wishes to be treated like a younger version of myself, maybe even pretend like I'm not fully grown up in those moments. One night, as I was cleaning the clinic late and no one else was around, it felt surreal. The sterile smell of disinfectant mixed with the scent of my own skin, making me crave something that's never there during a regular day shift, attention to myself, not just from others in need. I don't know why I'm writing this down or what brought on these thoughts today. Maybe it was seeing some kids playing outside while I walked home from work, their laughter echoing in my head. It just got me thinking about roles and responsibilities that are so clear-cut but somehow still leave room for fantasies of feeling young again, cared-for without having to be the one taking care all the time. It's probably not something most people think about when they picture a nurse, is it? Or maybe I'm alone in this. But there's this part of me that just can't stop wondering what it would feel like to let go of my adult responsibilities and roles for once, just be taken care of.