When I Let Myself Slip Away From Reality

I've been married for over twenty years now. It's a good marriage, but lately there's this nagging feeling that I haven't been fully present in it. I'm the kind of person who can slip into character pretty easily when we play, and sometimes that character sticks around longer than I intend. Lately, more often as my little rather than caregiver, which isn't our typical dynamic. I don't like to admit this out loud even to myself, but there have been times where after playing, it's hard for me to remember being the adult version of me, the one with bills and responsibilities. I feel childish and naive, and not in a good way. It's as if those boundaries between role-play and reality blur more than they ever used to. The last time this really hit home was after we had a big night out celebrating my wife's birthday. We played for hours after that, and the next morning when I woke up feeling like I hadn't aged past eighteen. My adult responsibilities felt foreign and overwhelming, and it took me a long time to get back into that mindset where those things were important again. I've been trying hard not to let this happen more often. It's scary how easily I can lose myself in the role-play world we create together. But at the same time, there is something liberating about feeling like my grown-up self isn't always needed, it's just so easy to forget that I still have a life and responsibilities outside of our play sessions. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up, or if this side effect of ours is just part of the territory. But one thing is for certain: I've never felt more conflicted about something that once was so simple and enjoyable.