Lost in Caregiving...

I recently went through a divorce after seven years of marriage. My ex was never into the DDLG lifestyle but always supported my personal choices, and I kept my caregiving kink very private. It wasn't until we split that I started to explore this part of myself more openly. So when I met someone online who expressed interest in this dynamic, it felt like a chance at something new and exciting... But there was no 'Daddy' label involved with him; he's simply the partner I care for deeply. We began to talk about boundaries and expectations, and I found myself leaning into my nurturing side more than ever before. But here’s where things got complicated: our age difference isn't vast, just five years, but it feels significant in terms of emotional maturity and experience. He's struggled with addiction issues that he's been sober from for a few months now, and I took on this role partly as a support system... And that’s where the line gets blurry between care-taking and control. I started to impose rules, about curfews, about social media, even about how late he could stay up. I told myself it was all out of love and concern for his health and recovery... but there were moments when my words felt more like mandates than guidance. And then one night, after an argument over the rules I set, I had a moment where I broke down crying. I realized how much pressure I'd been putting on us both, trying to fix him with this dynamic, when maybe what he really needed was someone who could just be there for him, not someone who wanted to guide and mold him into an ideal version of himself. It's left me feeling... lost. Is this something that can work healthily? How do you support without smothering? I'm still figuring out the balance between caring deeply and letting go enough to let him grow in his own way...