My Secret with My Darling Son

I've been married to my husband for over a decade now, and we have a son together who just turned eighteen. Lately, though, I feel this pull towards him that's not motherly at all. It started small, like wanting to tuck him in with an extra hug or telling him how handsome he looks when he grows up so fast. But then one night, after he'd gone to bed, we talked and I told him about my feelings for his little boy side, the way he could be sweet and needy sometimes made me want to take care of him in ways that weren't just a mom's duties. He was surprised but not upset, agreed it wasn't right, yet said if he ever wanted to explore something like this, we'd have a conversation about it first. That night, I found myself blushing over his text message saying 'goodnight, Mommy.' It felt wrong in some ways, yet so natural at the same time.