Learning the Hard Way in College

I'm a college student trying to figure out my place in the world and what kind of person I want to be. Recently, I got into this DDLG thing with an older woman who's been guiding me through it all, helping me explore parts of myself that are still very new territory for me. We started off pretty slow and cautiously but as we went along, things became more intense. She would push my boundaries a lot harder than I was ready for at first, she'd make me wear these incredibly cute outfits that made me feel like the littlest girl in the world even though logically I know I'm not. There's this one night where I just couldn't take it anymore and snapped, telling her off about how much it hurt to be pushed so far out of my comfort zone. But instead of backing off, she doubled down and made me beg for forgiveness, humiliating me until I was in tears from being overwhelmed. I guess that's when the reality hit: this isn't a game for us or a fling. It's serious stuff that's really shaping who I am now as an adult. And while it's been hard, painful at times to go through, I'm learning so much about myself and pushing past my limits in ways I never thought possible before. But man, sometimes it just feels like too much and leaves me feeling empty inside. It's a tough balance figuring out when to push back versus letting her guide me even further into the deep end. I still don't know where exactly this is all going or if we'll last long-term, but here I am trying my best to grow through it, despite how hard it gets.