i did something awful

so yeah i just found out my divorce is finalized and man it feels like this big weight on me. we were married for so long but honestly the last few years of our marriage were really hard. i started playing mommy again after a while, you know? i always liked that when we were younger, but it had been so long since either of us even wanted to do anything like that. i kinda resented him for not wanting what we used to and then one day i just thought why not? i missed being taken care of like that. so i started doing all the things. baking cookies every morning, making sure he had a clean room, tucking him in at night with bedtime stories. it felt good at first but then it became more than that. i’d spank his bottom when he was naughty and tell him to go to bed without dinner sometimes. sounds kinda crazy right? it didn’t even feel like me most days but there was just something about having this control over him again, making all the decisions for us. but here’s the thing. i’m not proud of it at all. he never complained or said no but still... it felt wrong. i can see now that maybe it wasn’t healthy and it definitely wasn’t fair to me either. i feel ashamed talking about this honestly, even in some random corner of the internet like this one.