Hidden Desires

I've been married for over twenty years now and have always thought of myself as a responsible caregiver. Lately though, I've been struggling with something I never expected, this odd pull towards DDLG dynamics that just appeared out of nowhere. It started small, imagining how it would feel to let someone else take care of me like I'm back in my twenties again. But then things got more serious and now there are moments when the urge to completely surrender control is overwhelming. The idea scares me though, the thought of my wife finding out about these hidden desires terrifies me. So, here it is, a confession that even I don't fully understand, something that's been gnawing at me inside but feels too shameful to talk openly about with anyone else. It just sits there, a secret weighing heavily on my mind.