just thinking

i recently got divorced and i m feeling lost right now. taking care of the kids is hard but im trying to be strong for them. sometimes i find myself wanting to call out to someone else, like a protector or caregiver type thing. i dont know what im looking for exactly but its something that feels missing in my life after all this time with just me and my ex. maybe its silly but there are nights when i wish some kind of roleplay thing could help fill the void left by our marriage ending. just typing this makes me feel weird, like im admitting things i dont want to admit even to myself.