just figured out a thing about myself

so like i've been feeling really weird and distant from my normal life lately. it's not that i don't love my friends or family, its just like there's this whole other side to me that no one knows. i mean, i know i have these fantasies where im the little girl again, all innocent and scared but also excited about exploring stuff with someone older who takes care of me. it feels weird admitting even to myself cause i'm 28 now, not some kid anymore. but i guess my brain just can't help going there sometimes? like when i see an older guy in a suit walking down the street, or at work if one of our more senior devs says something that makes them seem all powerful and protective, it sets off this weird feeling inside me that i dont know what to do with. its kind of overwhelming honestly. im not even sure how i'd bring someone into my life for real as a partner who would get this or be okay with it. am i just supposed to repress everything and never act on these impulses? is it normal to feel like i need to hide half of myself all the time from everyone else?