just realized this

i mean i knew before but never really accepted it until last week when i was at a friends house and they had some bondage stuff on the shelf. i went in there alone to look at them and felt something weird, kinda like playing dress up as a kid but also super adult and wrong. it made me feel small again, not literally but emotionally, vulnerable but excited. it scared me how much i wanted it. it wasnt until after that i started thinking about what it means and why its so appealing even though it feels crazy.