Lost In Pleasure

I'm a trans woman in my 30s, and lately I've been indulging in some very explicit fantasies involving strangers. The anonymity of the internet has given me permission to explore things that terrify me in real life but leave me yearning for more connection. Last night, I found myself lost in a fantasy so intense it left me crying afterward, not from joy but from this overwhelming sense of isolation. Am I just a freak? Is anyone else out there struggling with finding the balance between solo pleasure and craving human intimacy?