The Weight of a Secret Heart's Desire

I’m Alex, a nurse in my early 30s. I’ve been happily married for seven years to my wife, and we both agree that our relationship is healthy and fulfilling. But there’s something I haven’t told her: the thought of being submissive has crept into my mind from time to time. This isn’t about dominance in a conventional sense; it's more about letting go and being taken care of in a way that feels nurturing yet firm. A few months ago, while on a work trip, I met a doctor who was also interested in DDLG dynamics. She has this maternal air to her that just pulls you into a protective orbit. We clicked right away. The conversations we had were all about care and discipline, surprisingly not sexual at first but there was an undercurrent of something more. It was comforting, almost like being taken care of by your own mother when you’re ill or troubled. During one particularly rough day at work, a long night with numerous sick patients, I found myself messaging her late into the night. She listened to me, offered advice and support, and even gave me little tasks that made me feel like she was guiding my actions as a mom would. It felt good but also bizarre. The next morning, after some sleep, it seemed so out of character for me that I laughed at myself. That was the first time. Since then, I’ve kept returning to this idea. Part of me is terrified, what if I really do enjoy being on the receiving end? How would my wife feel about that? Then there’s the other part, a part that feels liberated and safe in these thoughts. I’m not sure if I want to explore it further or suppress these feelings completely. I’ve been mulling this over for weeks now, talking to friends but never directly mentioning my desires. They all just advise me to be honest with myself about what makes me happy within our relationship framework. It’s advice I agree with but also find incredibly daunting. Am I being unfair to myself? Is it wrong to feel this way when everything else is going so well? How do you navigate such complex emotions without losing yourself in the process? My friends think it's all about boundaries and communication, but there’s something more here, a deep-seated longing for protection that doesn’t fit neatly into any of our established relationship dynamics. What if I don't even like DDLG when put to practice? Is it worth finding out? This confessional is my way of trying to figure this all out, hoping someone else has walked this path and can offer some clarity.