Lost Innocence or Something Like That

Ever since I met my partner five years ago, we've played a delicate balance of caregiver and little. Sometimes he's the parent, sometimes I'm his child, it's all about trust and vulnerability. Lately though, things have shifted for me in ways that feel like they're breaking us apart. He's been more controlling lately, something that used to excite me but now feels like it’s crossing a line. It started small: he wanted specific toys we don't usually use, then it was how I should dress or act in public when out together. The other night, after what felt like an unspoken buildup of tension and demands from his side, we had a rather intense session where things escalated beyond what's comfortable for me. I'm not sure if he's just trying to keep me close in this lifestyle by pushing my limits or if there's something deeper going on, possibly insecurities that are manifesting as control. The idea of him wanting to protect our relationship through dominance feels familiar, but the new intensity makes it hard to differentiate between what I want and what I’m being told to desire. I haven't mentioned how this shift is making me feel because I don’t know where to begin or how to approach the subject without sounding like a complainer. It's frustrating that my desires have grown more subtle, quieter, but still there. Deep down, I fear losing what we've built together in our DDLG space if he continues pushing against what makes me comfortable. So here I am, typing this out as a way to process these feelings rather than looking for answers or advice. Just trying to understand where we stand and whether my discomfort means it's time for a change.