Lost in Playacting

I don't know why I'm typing this, it's like there's nothing else to do. Maybe it helps me make sense of everything that just happened? We've been together for years now, and even though things have always felt solid between us, I can feel the cracks starting to show lately. It feels like every time we step into our little space, something inside me breaks a bit more. You know how sometimes when you're playing pretend as a kid, it's hard to tell what's real? Like pretending you're a grown-up and driving a car or taking care of someone else? Well, lately, I've been feeling like that again. Only now instead of just imagining, we create this entire world together where roles are everything. It feels so right when we're in it, but stepping back out into the real world is jarring. Last night was rough. I was supposed to be taking care of him, you know? Making sure he felt safe and cared for, like a little one would need from an adult guardian. But all I could think about was how much I wanted to just... melt away and let someone else take over. It's not that I don't want to play the part, it's just exhausting being responsible all the time. Oh man, this makes me sound so selfish, doesn’t it? But honestly, it’s not just about him or even us; it’s about how much of myself I can truly give up for these moments. And that scares me more than anything else does right now. Do you ever feel like there's too much pressure to be perfect all the time? So maybe this confession isn't really about last night, but rather just a way to try and sort out my thoughts. It’s hard knowing what comes next when every moment feels so fleeting yet permanent at the same time.