My Hidden Pain

I've been with my partner, Alex, for five years now. It's a strange dynamic we have, neither of us uses the labels 'Daddy' or 'Mommy,' but I often find myself taking care of him in ways that make me feel both empowered and hollow inside. Lately, our sessions involve more than just playful roles; it's become a serious part of our intimacy where I spank him until his backside is bright red and sore. There are times when I can't help but cry afterwards, even though he assures me everything is okay and he enjoys the intensity. The truth is, every time we do this, I feel like I'm pushing deeper into a void that's swallowing up my own identity. It's as if I'm playing someone else's script instead of living my own life, and it leaves me feeling isolated and alone even when Alex is right beside me.