A Recent Realization

So this past summer, I was finishing up my thesis and spending way too much time cooped up in the library. One night, after a particularly grueling day of research, I decided to unwind by watching some old movies online. That's when I stumbled upon this incredibly intense DD/lg video. At first, it felt weird, like something from another universe compared to my usual chill Netflix picks. But as I watched, parts of me that had been dormant for a while started to stir. It was so unlike anything else I’d seen before, the discipline scenes, the playfulness between the characters, their dynamic...it all felt both shocking and exhilarating. I spent weeks after that thinking about it in private moments, wondering if anyone else out there shared my new curiosity. It took me forever to admit it to myself, I guess I didn't want to face what it meant for who I thought I was as a grad student. But eventually, I had this moment where all the mental walls just crumbled away and I allowed myself to embrace it. Of course, it's scary, what if someone found out? What if there's something wrong with me for enjoying that sort of thing? Anyway, I don't know where any of this is going or what comes next. It’s all so new and overwhelming right now. Just wanted to put this out there, I’m not alone in feeling weirdly fascinated by DD/lg stuff, even if it's just the beginning for me.