Conflicted Admissions of a High School Educator

I never thought I would be the kind to have such unconventional fantasies. I'm Mr. Thompson, a thirty-something high school teacher with two years left until retirement. The job is rewarding but exhausting, kids these days, always pushing boundaries and challenging authority. It's part of my role, sure, but sometimes it can get overwhelming. Recently, though, something inside me has shifted. I found myself drawn to the idea of being in a dynamic where someone else takes control, not just in teaching, but personally too. The thought came as an unsettling surprise, never in a million years did I imagine finding any thrill in relinquishing my usual role as the leader and disciplinarian. It started with dreams, vivid scenarios where I'm on my knees before someone who embodies everything I fear: authority, dominance. At first, I dismissed these as mere fantasies, no different from any other daydreams people might have about sex or power. But then it progressed into thoughts during the day, even when I was meant to be focusing on lesson plans. I've read about DDLG dynamics and age play, and while I recognize that they are entirely consensual between adults, there's an underlying theme of a power differential that fascinates me. Perhaps it’s because my life has felt so much about asserting control and guiding others, is this just an unconscious desire to experience the other side? The more I contemplate this revelation within myself, the more conflicted I feel. Is what I'm thinking about normal? Or am I crossing some invisible line that makes me less trustworthy as a teacher? Am I being fair to my students and to myself in exploring these new desires? What if someone found out, would it tarnish my reputation, or worse? I need guidance here. Does anyone else grapple with this kind of internal turmoil while maintaining their professional roles? Should I seek counseling before considering any real-world exploration? Am I the asshole for even entertaining such thoughts, let alone wanting to act on them?