... Feeling Guilty ...

I'm sitting here feeling so guilty right now. It's been such an exhausting day with the kids at home and work responsibilities piling up, I just needed a break. And so when my husband came to me saying we needed to start doing something about our finances again, that's where I lost it. We've been really lax on our budgeting since we started this whole stay-at-home parent thing a few months back... trying to keep things positive and fun for the kids rather than stressing them out with grown-up worries. But now the bills are starting to pile up faster than we can manage it, especially after my big layoff at work. Anyway, so today he asked if I could maybe help him put together a new budget plan... which is something that's been on my mind but I haven't had time to tackle yet. But instead of saying yes, or even trying to negotiate about how we could do it in the evening after the kids are asleep, I snapped and said no, outright refused to help out at all. I told him I was too tired, that everything was fine, that he just needed to relax... which is clearly not true. And as soon as the words were out of my mouth, his face fell. He looked so hurt and disappointed... And now here I am sitting in silence, feeling like such a horrible wife and mom for snapping at him over something small like this. It's just a budget plan! But it feels bigger than that to me, like it's symbolic of all the other stuff piling up right now with being out of work and managing the house... And I really messed things up by not handling it maturely, instead of doing what he asked or at least explaining why I couldn't do it right then. I want to go talk to him about how sorry I am and make sure he knows it was just exhaustion talking, but that might come off as me avoiding responsibility too. Maybe I'll try apologizing tomorrow morning when things are less raw...