A Complicated Desire

I've been teaching at this university for nearly three decades now. I always thought of myself as a professional with boundaries, but lately, those lines have blurred in ways I never anticipated. About six months ago, I started having these... urges, fantasies really. It began when one of my students, let's call her Lily, joined my class. She's sharp and witty, and from day one, there was just something about her that drew me in. I didn't know what it meant at first, or maybe I did but refused to admit it. Maybe because she reminded me of someone long gone, or perhaps it was her youthful energy that sparked a part of me dormant for years. Whatever the reason, these desires were strong and persistent, pushing against my resolve. I tried ignoring them, focusing on work, spending time with friends who don't understand this world I've stumbled into. But she'd walk past my office, or I'd see her studying in the library, and those feelings would come rushing back. It wasn't just a sexual desire either, it was something deeper, more complex. A longing to be needed, maybe? Things came to a head last week when we had our midterms. We were reviewing answers late into the evening, one-on-one in my office. The room was warm, and I found myself feeling... vulnerable, open somehow. Before it went any further, thankfully before anything happened that could've ruined everything, I stopped myself cold. Since then, I've been wrestling with this secret part of me. Is there a way to honor these feelings without crossing the line? Am I just lonely and grasping for something unrealistic in my life right now? Or is it possible to explore something new and challenging, safely within the bounds of consent? I don't know where to turn, who to talk to about this. So here I am, turning to strangers on the internet for guidance. Am I being unreasonable, or am I just searching for a way forward in my life that includes accepting myself fully? What would you do if you were in my shoes?