Caught Between Caring and Crossing Boundaries

I've been a software engineer for ten years now, but it's the role of caregiver to my friend's child that has left me questioning everything about myself. I met her when she was going through a rough patch with her ex-partner who couldn't handle his responsibilities as a father. She needed help and asked if I could step in while she got back on her feet. Of course, I agreed without hesitation because it felt like the right thing to do. As time went by, we grew closer, not romantically but with an understanding that transcended just being friends or family friends. There was something comforting about knowing someone had your back no matter what. But as much as she trusted me, I began to develop feelings for her that went beyond the platonic or familial. One night, after one of her particularly tough weeks, we ended up at my place sharing a bottle of wine and talking late into the evening. She was on the verge of tears from the stress of life and work. Seeing her so vulnerable made me feel protective in ways I hadn't expected to experience. It became clear that she needed more than just a friend's care; she craved someone who could take charge. That night, as we were talking, there was this unspoken tension between us, an electricity that I had never noticed before. When the conversation turned to her needing support and guidance, it felt natural for me to offer my help in ways that weren't just emotional but also physical. We ended up engaging in a playful yet serious role-play where I took on the role of a strict caregiver, helping her navigate her feelings while providing comfort through touch. It was intense and exhilarating, everything felt more real than it should have been, and yet we both seemed to enjoy it deeply despite the unconventional nature of our dynamic. After that evening, we continued this arrangement for several months until she found a stable footing in life and decided to take things back to strictly platonic. Now looking back at how I crossed my professional line as her friend's caregiver, while being entirely consensual with no sexual exploitation involved, despite the clear emotional boundary crossing, leaves me wondering if it was ever truly okay. I'm not sure if there are any right answers in this kind of situation but it remains a complex part of my past that haunts my thoughts.