The Weight of Pretending

I've always been a nurse by profession but a different person in the bedroom. I'm thirty-five and have spent years exploring the dynamic of being both little and caregiver, often within the same relationship, depending on my partner's desires or mood. It started innocently enough, playing pretend to ease stress and reconnect with someone after a long shift, but it became more than that. There are days when I feel so drained by work, all I want is for someone else to take care of me like a child might need. And then there are moments where the nurturing side within me surfaces strongly, wanting to provide comfort and care. It's an exhausting cycle, this balancing act between being cared for and caring for another. Yet, here’s my struggle: as much as it helps, I feel like a fraud sometimes, wondering if others can see through my little façade or judge me for needing such intimate support in our adult relationship. Am I the only one who feels this way? How do you reconcile these intense desires with your sense of self and identity?