...Little Moments...

I'm this grad student...trying to focus on my studies but...there are these little moments that just keep sneaking into my mind...and it's hard not to feel ashamed of them. I mean, one day I'll be in charge of real students and researchers...but there are these times when...I want to be taken care of like a little kid again...or take care of someone else as if they were my child...you know? It feels silly and wrong somehow...like I'm betraying the grown-up version of myself. But it happens, like last week...I was just out shopping...and this woman with her kids made me feel so small inside...it's hard to describe but...her presence just triggered something deep down...and all I wanted was for someone to say 'Be a good girl' or something like that...It's not the same thing as wanting a child...more like these fantasies of playing out this dynamic with a partner...but still...sometimes it feels so wrong and right at once...