Finding Myself Through Pleasure and Power Dynamics

So, I guess this is my first time writing here. I'm in my early 20s and still figuring out a lot of stuff about myself, especially with the transition process. Lately, I've been exploring this kink thing that's been kinda intriguing me for a while now. It feels like it’s coming from a place deep inside where I haven't really explored before. Anyway, there was this time last month where I met this older guy at an event. We started talking and pretty quickly got to the topic of DDLG stuff. He seemed experienced in the area, so I decided to be honest about my interest too. It felt like a risk but also something exciting that could maybe help me figure out what I want. We ended up meeting in his place one evening when he had some time off work. The whole thing started with him giving me instructions on how to dress and act for the day, really getting into this fatherly role. It was strange at first, like walking a fine line between feeling childish again and embracing the adult power dynamic that came with it. The evening went on, and we did some activities he guided me through. He kept talking about boundaries and safety as we went along, which I appreciated. There were moments where I felt quite submissive but also like someone looking up to him for guidance in ways beyond just sexual stuff, it was more about trust and understanding. The explicit part happened later on when things got a bit hotter. We did some role-play that included light spanking and bondage play as part of the DDLG dynamic. It wasn't anything too intense, but it definitely made me question my limits and desires further. He always reminded me to tell him if I needed something different or more care. I left feeling a bit confused about everything but also curious to try again sometime. There's this mix of emotions when you're exploring these new things, excitement, confusion, fear, that feels both scary and exciting at the same time. It’s hard to put into words really, because it’s not just about sex; it’s about understanding myself better in terms of what I need from others and how they can make me feel safe enough to explore. I think this experience was a step towards figuring out who I am and what I want. Not sure where it'll lead but for now, writing this down feels like a good way to process everything that happened.