Conflicted Heart

I can hardly believe I’m admitting this to anyone, let alone typing it out here. I’ve been working at the same retail store for five years now, and things have always felt a bit dull there. Lately though, something’s shifted in me, or maybe it was just meeting someone new. He’s a customer who comes by almost every day, and he’s... not exactly what you’d expect from a regular customer. We’ve gotten to know each other over time, mostly talking about the usual things: sales, deals, life outside work. But then one night, after hours when the shop was closed, everything changed. He invited me back to his place and I found myself agreeing to go along with it despite every internal warning bell ringing. It turned out he wanted more than just a casual date, it wasn’t what I had been prepared for at all. He started telling me how much he admired my work ethic but then... things got complicated. He started playing the role of a strict employer, giving me instructions as if I were his subordinate in a DDLG kind of way. I felt so lost and confused, yet oddly drawn to it despite everything. I couldn’t resist those moments where he’d scold me for not following through with his instructions or praise me when I did well, all the while treating me like an obedient little one. It’s embarrassing to think about how much I enjoyed that dynamic even though it felt so out of place in my life. I’m scared to admit this to myself and even more afraid of what others might say if they knew. This is just for me to figure things out on my own.