Confessions of a Daddy Nurse

I've been working as an ER nurse for over ten years now. My colleagues call me the go-to person when things get tough because I can handle just about anything that comes through those doors, no matter how bad it gets. But there's something I haven't told anyone at work, or anywhere else for that matter. I'm a Daddy in my DDLG relationship. It started last year when I met him online, Alex, who’s 35 and very much into the Daddy/kitten dynamic. We talked about our interests, exchanged fantasies, and eventually decided to meet up in person. He's respectful, kind, and incredibly playful with his kitten role. I've always been a take-charge kind of person, which is why this fits so well. It’s like another side of me comes out when we’re together. But it isn’t just about the fun and games. There are boundaries, lots of them. Alex respects my limits, and he makes sure to check in with me frequently. We talk about everything from emotional support to discipline in a way that keeps things healthy for both of us. I've learned so much about trust and communication through this dynamic. However, it’s made me question some aspects of myself. In the hospital, my authority is absolute; patients rely on me to make tough decisions quickly. Yet at home, when Alex takes over, he guides me in ways that are nurturing yet firm. It feels strange having someone else lead sometimes, but I’m starting to see how it can enhance my sense of self rather than diminish it. I worry about being judged if anyone finds out, like my colleagues might think less of me or view my skills as compromised because I'm so comfortable relinquishing control in one part of my life. But at the same time, this side of me makes me more compassionate towards patients who need to trust someone completely for their care. Is it okay to have these feelings and experiences? Am I being selfish by keeping them secret? What do you think? Are there others like me out there?