My Artistic Expression Gone Wrong

I've been into art for as long as I can remember. Painting, sketching, you name it, I love putting my feelings on a canvas. But recently, I've started exploring DDLG and little-space kinks in my personal life. It's something that has always fascinated me from afar but felt too taboo to ever act upon. This month, however, everything changed. A few weeks ago, while working on an abstract piece about power dynamics, it hit me how much I'd love someone to be more authoritarian and take charge over me creatively in my art sessions, dictating what colors or mediums to use, even how to handle the brush. So I told my partner this idea, thinking he might share a similar interest. Instead of embracing the concept like I hoped, he was hesitant and confused by my proposition. Feeling unsure about myself but also eager for an exploration into this kink, I reached out to a friend from my artist community who I knew had experience in DDLG dynamics through role-playing scenarios online. She suggested I consider it as a way of expressing myself further within the creative process rather than imposing on others. But here's where things went wrong: one night, after drinking a bit too much wine and feeling especially vulnerable, I texted her asking to try something more... intimate, involving some light discipline like being told off or given small tasks in order to explore my artistic expression further. She agreed, but the next day when she messaged me about it, I felt ashamed and uncertain whether I should follow through. I’ve been ruminating over this ever since, wondering if I crossed a line and how much of what happened was just the wine talking versus a genuine interest that needs to be explored. My partner doesn't know anything about my friend's involvement or our discussion, but seeing as they're both significant in my life, it feels like lying by omission. Writing this makes me feel vulnerable, but also helps clarify some of my thoughts and fears regarding how far I'm willing to go with DDLG play to enhance my artistic expression. Maybe it was just a momentary lapse, or perhaps there's more here than I initially thought. Either way, now that the moment has passed, I’m left wondering.