Why Do I Like It So Much?

I recently got divorced after six years of marriage. We had a good life together, two kids, nice house in the suburbs, steady jobs. But somehow we drifted apart, emotionally and physically, until there was just nothing left to hold us back when he asked for a divorce. I agreed because it felt like the only way out of an unfulfilling existence. Afterwards, I didn't know what hit me. It was as if everything I thought about life and myself crumbled overnight. A friend suggested I try something different in my sex life, she introduced me to kink sites. It sounded foreign and scary at first but then, slowly, it started making sense. I met someone through one of these sites who turned out to be really understanding. We clicked over the phone lines, and he suggested we meet up for dinner. He was kind and funny, nothing about him screamed 'kink' like I imagined it would from all my stereotypes. Then, after weeks of dinners and movies, we decided to try something more intimate. It started as just holding hands in public but soon enough, it turned into a lot more. We didn't set any ground rules at first, just experimented with different things over time until I knew what felt right for me. I found myself craving that feeling of being taken care of and disciplined, not harshly or cruelly, but in a way that reminded me of the control my ex used to have over me. It's weird though because while it feels good in some ways, it also makes me question why I’m still drawn to these dynamics. Am I an asshole for liking this? Is there something wrong with needing someone to be the dominant figure again after years of being independent? Why does everything feel more intense now than ever before? I want to know if others relate or think I'm crazy. But mostly, I just needed to confess it out loud and maybe understand myself a little better.