feeling lost

i am a trans man in my 20s and i have this weird thing for being a mommy to someone else. like i want to take care of them, make sure they are okay, give them cuddles and love. but it feels so wrong cuz im not actually a mom and the person i would do this with is way older than me. we roleplay sometimes but its getting harder and harder to separate what happens in our scene from reality. like i find myself caring for them outside of play too much, and that scares me. am i messed up or does anyone else feel this way?