The Mistake That Made Me Realize My Truths

I’ve been playing with the idea of being a little for years now. It’s not something I ever really discussed with anyone except in abstract terms, but it was always there in the back of my mind. A few months ago, things just clicked for me and I decided to fully embrace that part of myself. I started going to meetups where people share similar interests, mostly through online forums. It’s a pretty tight-knit community and everyone is super supportive and understanding. Anyway, there was this guy who I talked to at one of the events. We hit it off really well. He seemed very interested in what I had to say and we both found each other intriguing. Over the next few weeks, we chatted more online and he became a regular part of my life. The way he saw me as just this little person brought so much comfort and joy that I hadn’t known was missing. One day, after some particularly meaningful conversations with him, we agreed to meet up at his place for an evening together. It started off innocently enough; we were talking about the little space community, sharing stories and experiences. Then he suggested playing a game, but it quickly turned into something else. I found myself willingly participating in scenarios that pushed my boundaries in ways I hadn’t anticipated. There was this moment where I felt completely exposed. It wasn't just physically; it was emotionally too. And while it’s not as if I ever really felt violated, every step of the way, he made sure to check in with me and ensure everything felt consensual, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that what we were doing crossed some invisible line inside my head. When I admitted this to him later on during our conversation after, he was understanding but also a bit disappointed. He didn't want it to seem like an imposition or crossing boundaries, yet he wished for something different from me. Now, weeks later, I’m still grappling with the aftermath of that evening. Is what we did really okay? Was it too much for me to handle as a little? Am I projecting too many childhood issues onto this adult experience and making it seem worse than it is in reality? It’s hard to tell where the line lies sometimes when everything feels so new. I feel like if I talk about this more, maybe I can figure out my place within these dynamics better. Maybe it’s all just part of growing into who I am meant to be.