Just Trying To Understand

I'm this high school teacher, been playing Daddy for a while now with my submissives. Why am I into this? Am I just trying to relive some control in my personal life through these kink sessions? Or is it more about the connection we build during playtime, those fleeting moments of intimacy that slip between rules and boundaries? It's confusing sometimes. Want power but crave submission too. Vague euphemisms are all I can muster right now, enjoying certain activities with my partner feels like a release, yet also leaves me questioning everything afterwards. Just need to figure it out.