just felt it today

i was at home alone and i started thinking about all the times my partner would take care of me like a kid. we never said it in so many words but there were nights he'd read me stories, put me to bed with tuck-ins and goodnights that made everything feel okay even when life sucked. now hes gone and im just here in our bedroom where all these memories are. i tried calling friends for support but no one picked up. ended up crying into my pillow like a total mess but kinda liking it too, feeling safe being allowed to break down without judgment. woke up this morning with puffy eyes but oddly calm, maybe cuz i let myself fully grieve last night? dont know what comes next but its okay for now.