...Trying to Find My Place in Our Dynamic...

It feels like every time I try something new with my partner, it ends up making me feel even more lost and unsure of where I stand. We've been together for over two years now, but lately, we started exploring a DDLG dynamic, mostly because he suggested it. He's the daddy figure, and at first, it was fun... but as time goes on, I find myself feeling like I'm just playing along with this character instead of being truly me. There are times when all the commands and rules make me feel safe... other moments, they leave me confused and questioning if this is what I really want. We talk about our feelings a lot, but sometimes it's hard to articulate how exactly I'm feeling. Lately, I've been trying to figure out my role in all of this without making him feel like I don't appreciate his efforts... but it's tough. Tonight was another session where he asked me to do something I wasn't entirely comfortable with, and while I ended up doing it, there were parts that just felt empty. It's like the excitement has been replaced by a lingering sadness that won't go away no matter how hard we try to recapture those early moments of discovery. ...