feeling lost and alone

i've been working this job for years now, just grinding day in and day out. my coworkers are nice enough but we dont really connect on a deeper level, you know? it's like they're just there to do their work too. lately i've been struggling with these feelings of wanting something more, something different from the monotony. my boyfriend of five years asked me recently if i'd considered maybe moving in together or even getting married someday, but honestly the thought terrifies me. we've always played this little game where he takes care of me and acts like a caregiver, kinda like how mommies take care of their babies. it's not really about him being my daddy or anything though, just that i feel so safe and protected with him when no one else does. so last week while we were out for dinner he started to get really intense with me. he'd been talking a lot lately about how important our little family is to both of us but id kinda brushed it off as just his way of trying to convince me to take the next step with him. i mean, we've talked before about some age-play stuff too, you know? like when i'm down on my knees in front of him and he gives me orders or scolds me for being naughty or something. weird right? but it's just our thing. so anyway at this dinner he got all serious and started talking about how much he wants to start really living as a family, taking me out of the workforce maybe to stay home and take care of him full time. i froze up totally not sure what to say. i know he cares for me but sometimes it feels like hes just trying to keep me locked in this little bubble where we dont have to deal with the real world outside. and honestly, there are times when that's exactly what i need, coz out here things feel so big and scary. but at other times im terrified of being trapped in this bubble forever. idk if its even realistic or possible to go from my life right now straight into living like a wife and mommy. plus he gets kinda rough sometimes during our little games - yknow the spanking and handcuffs and stuff, but i dont really mind it coz when hes done it always makes me feel good about us. still...