Little Moments and Caregiving Duties Collide

So I've been struggling with this for a while now. It's like these two sides of me are always at war inside, but it feels so good when they're both in harmony. Lately, being the little girl is winning over my caregiver side, which isn't what usually happens. You know how sometimes you feel completely out of control and just want someone to take charge? That's where I'm at right now. It started a few weeks ago after we moved bases again, I was feeling really overwhelmed and needed to let loose. My partner saw it too, so he kind of... stepped up and helped me switch into this little role. I hate how much I love that feeling though. The way everything feels heightened and everything seems more important when you're in a childlike mindset. It's crazy because at the same time, I want to be the strong one, taking care of him, making sure he knows everything is going to be okay. But it's just too exhausting sometimes, balancing both roles. I think what bothers me most isn't even that we do this, but that when I'm not in little space, I feel like a bad partner for needing these moments so much. Which doesn’t make sense because everything we have is consensual and agreed upon. It’s just... hard to explain, really. Like, sometimes the caregiver side wants to take control of everything, but then there's this pull back towards wanting protection. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about how I balance these sides of myself. I guess the point here is that it’s okay not to have everything figured out, even if you're in a stable relationship and know what works for both of you sometimes things can still be confusing. I think I needed to write this down just to get my thoughts straight, so thanks for reading... or listening... whatever.