Wife's Secret Admirer

I'm a forty-two year old married woman, and I only recently realized that there's something about being submissive to my husband in the bedroom that turns me on. It started so subtly, it was always just something we did occasionally after drinking too much wine, where he would call me names like 'his little slut' or tell me how 'pathetic' it was that I wanted him inside me. At first, I felt embarrassed and ashamed of these moments. But the other day, out of nowhere, my hands started to shake and my heart raced as soon as he said one of those things, and when he came up behind me and roughly pulled down my pants with his hand, well, it was like a switch flipped inside me. I've always been someone who keeps things neat and orderly in our home. I don't just do this for him; I do it for myself. Maybe that's why I felt so out of control during these moments. It's strange how being called names or disciplined by him has become such a turn-on for me now. I've never told anyone about this before, not even my closest friends. How could I? It feels like such a private thing, and yet, here I am writing it down in hopes of understanding it better. Is there something wrong with wanting to be treated like his property or to feel the heat from him demanding more than just sex? There's this one memory where he pulled me into the corner of our living room during a dinner party we hosted and bent me over an armchair, whispering how much he wanted everyone to see how submissive I was. At first, it felt like too much, too public, too humiliating. But then there was a moment when he growled softly in my ear, and the shame melted into something else entirely: desire. Now, every time we fight or I feel like I've disappointed him somehow, part of me wonders if this kink is just an unhealthy escape from reality. Am I hiding behind these fantasies because I don't know how to communicate what I really want in a relationship? Or is it something else entirely, a deeper desire for guidance and protection? I need advice here. How do you reconcile having such intimate, powerful desires with someone you love but who doesn't necessarily share them or understand them the way they work inside of you? Am I alone in feeling this way?